TIME STILL STANDS

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Im currently sitting by myself in my living room, wanting Jannie to come up the sofa but she refuses and also im thinking of what to eat for dinner plus what beastly weather Singapore has during the monsoon season.

Deeper than what seems to be shallow and comestic, im actually thinking or tasting what most people call memories.

Year 2007 just came sweeping by without me treasuring much of it and now a brand new year begins....

Oh 2007, i can't really remember much of it, maybe because i didn't really enjoy that year, it was the most gruelling year i ever had so far. I had to face countless of problems from family issues to the many controversies i encountered in my relationship.

End of 2006, i had to sit for my A levels, something i actually wouldn't mind doing it again as well as a normal human being, im never satisfied with what i have. During that period, Jansen broke off with me over major issues, being a girl who grew SO dependent on her boyfriend and who had really weak willpower, i didn't do that well for my As. But during this period, i found out that my friends were always there for me, they made sure i had company every day and night. They never wanted me to be alone, some slept over at my place, i felt like i was a kid with many nannies. They made me realise that friends are one of the many constants one should have in life.

The beginning of 2007 was all about clubbing and more clubbing and more clubbing and of course i had work, i was working as a personal assistant in a private clinic at Gleneagles, i was a personal assistant of a distinguished Ophthalmologist. I was proud of that job, i met many ministers, doctors, professors who probably won't know who i am now if i walked up and say hi. But this job brought my communication and organising skills to a whole new level. And i am very very thankful to that Professor who gave me the opportunity to do so.

During that time frame Jansen came back to me but then i broke off with him again during Chinese New Year, reason being, i found out that i actually hated him and yes i found him disgusting. That led me to more clubbing and more drinking, which i met some flings, some i terribly terribly regret, while some i wish i didn't play and maybe a certain friendship could be attained. Soon after, Jansen wanted to come back again, for some reason, i accepted him again.

During the mid of 2007, family problems started to arise which made me lose a fraction of my motivation which gradually led me to miss and skip lessons. Truthfully, i didn't attend school for 2 whole months or maybe more, why? All i could do at home was cry as i felt so helpless when i get myself involved with adult issues as when money is involved, i have no say, i have no influence on any memeber of the family. Now i find it really hard to get back to my books, that motivation, its so difficult to grasp or maybe im just giving excuses to myself.

September 2007, Jannie came into my life. Jansen bought Jannie for me as a post birthday present, from then on, my life was tied to hers as she was only 2 months, therefore i had to sacrifice whatever time i had left for myself for her. I think i nursed her well, now she's a healthy 7 month year pup. But then i didn't have time for my friends, sometimes i do regret but looking at her ,well, it changed my perception, the joy she gave me, well its one of those things that money can't buy. Maybe because looking at her reminded me of Terry, my late Westie. Everyday i grew to love her more and more. Jannie changed Jansen in a way as well, now he doesn't wake up a peevish look anymore, maybe because Jannie kisses him and nibbles on his toes every morning. Actually before Jannie came in, i didn't know that Jansen had a loving heart for animals.

December 2007, the chapter on my family issues came to a closure, thanks to my uncle who decided to help and i really thank him for that. He flew straight down from Australia to assist the problem and he made it clear to me that im never alone. He thought me one thing though, in life, always under talk your intelligence, it is a good thing to let people under estimate you and the most important lesson he thought me was always be assertive but not aggressive. He thought me that family ties are always important and that i should always have a big heart for my parents and to forgive. Well, im trying to work on that, its not easy.

Beginning of 2008, i find myself alone as my parents left for their retirement, Jansen made it a point to stay with me overnights. I think my house has become his second home, i thank him for that as well and his mother for being understanding.

Well, 2008, i hope things take a turn for the better and i'll work for it, im scared but nonetheless i'll try and try and try even when im beaten, i'll still try...

To my constants....i thank you all for the lovely things you did for me...

And to you...thank you for your companionship and your love

My Dreams....POOF!